Anger management in the workplace

In the serene halls of Kopan Monastery, located in the heart of Kathmandu, I found a tranquility that seemed almost otherworldly. It was there, amidst the rustling of prayer flags and the distant echo of monks' chants, that I delved into the profound teachings of Buddhism. 

One of the most impactful lessons I learned was about the nature of anger and its place in our lives, especially in the workplace. Anger, as taught in Buddhism, is one of the three poisons that lead to suffering; the others are ignorance and attachment. But it is anger that often looms most visibly in our professional lives and can manifest itself in a variety of ways, from latent resentment at being passed over for a promotion to a strong outburst against a colleague for missing a deadline.

Anger is an emotional state that varies in intensity from mild irritation to intense fury and rage. It can be caused by both external and internal events; Someone could be angry at a specific person, such as a colleague, manager, or customer, or angry about an event such as a traffic jam, canceled flight, bad service, etc. Anger could also be caused by worries or ruminations about personal matters. affairs. problems or memories of traumatic or distressing events that can also trigger feelings of anger.

Types of anger at work

Below are some types of anger expressions. Try to identify the ways in which you most commonly choose to react with anger and what core beliefs might underpin your view of emotions.

Assertive anger: Is a really constructive type of anger expression. If this is your type of anger, you use feelings of frustration or rage as a catalyst for positive change. Instead of avoiding confrontation, internalizing anger, or resorting to verbal insults and physical outbursts, you express your anger in ways that create change and bring you closer to meeting your wants and needs, without causing distress or destruction.

Behavioral anger: Behavioral aggression is a choice to react physically to the feeling of anger. This form of anger expression is physical and often aggressive or, at the most extreme end of the spectrum, violent. Aggression is behavior that has an intentional motivation to cause harm to another person who does not intend it. This could look like breaking or throwing things, or bullying or physically attacking someone.

Passive-aggressive anger: It is an avoidant type of anger expression. You try to evade all forms of confrontation and deny or repress any feeling of frustration or anger. It can be expressed verbally, such as sarcasm, purposeful silence, or veiled mockery, or physically in behaviors such as chronic procrastination at work. Sometimes people who passively express anger are not even aware that their actions are perceived as aggressive; This can have personal and professional consequences.

Chronic anger: Feels like a general, ongoing feeling of resentment toward other people, a generalized sense of frustration with certain circumstances, or often anger toward oneself. It is embodied in a feeling of annoyance and perpetual irritation: the prolonged nature of this type of anger can have profoundly adverse effects on health and well-being.

To identify anger, we must be in tune not only with our emotions but also with the behavior of those around us. It could be a colleague's clenched jaw, a supervisor's terse email, or our own reluctance to interact with certain team members.

Overcome anger at work

Anger management is not about learning to suppress anger; never getting angry is not a healthy goal, as anger will surface no matter how hard you try to control it. Anger management is about learning to express these angry emotions in a healthy way without losing control. Like most skills, mastering anger management takes work, but the more you practice it, the easier and more natural it will become. Learning to control your anger and be able to express it appropriately will help you build better relationships, achieve your goals, and lead a healthier, more satisfying life.

Buddha taught that the antidote to anger is patience and understanding. In the workplace, this translates to:

Active listening and empathy: Putting ourselves in the shoes of others to understand their perspective. Also truly listening to what others have to say, without immediately judging or reacting.

Think before you speak: Anger often arises in the heat of the moment. It's easy to say or do the first thing that comes to mind. Take a few moments to breathe deeply and think about the situation and what you should say or do. Encourage others in the situation to do the same.

Mindfulness: Sometimes the best solution is to take a step back and walk away for a few moments.This not only helps relieve the tension of a difficult situation, but also allows you to catch your breath, organize your thoughts, and regain your composure. This can also be helpful if you are alone and the thoughts in your head are starting to make you angry. Close your eyes, take a deep breath and think of something pleasant that you like and enjoy. Physical activity has been shown to have positive effects on a person's ability to control and manage anger by releasing powerful stress-relieving endorphins. If you feel anger building up inside you, going for a walk can help you release those angry thoughts and feelings.

Seek help: if you feel overwhelmed by anger. Make an effort to express to others (family, friends, and professional colleagues) that you are feeling overwhelmed and need support.

As a leader, I believe my attitude toward my own anger and that of my team members should be based on compassion. When I feel anger rising inside me, I pause and reflect on its source. Is this really about the current situation or is it an echo of a past grievance? For my team, I encourage open dialogue and an environment where emotions can be expressed in a healthy way. This requires transparency, accountability and a genuine effort to make amends. It's about listening to community concerns and taking concrete steps to address them.

My friend Geshe Tashi, with whom I spent many enlightening days in Kopan, often shared his wisdom on these matters. “Anger,” he said, “is like a spark that can ignite the flames of destruction or the light of understanding. It is up to us to choose the latter.”

Incorporating the profound insights of Geshe Tashi, I reflect on the destructive nature of anger, especially in the context of leadership and work. Here are his words, which resonate deeply with my own experiences:

“Many people think that anger is always there to support and protect us, but this is wrong. Anger always harms our mind, our feelings, and our body. It is the most powerful thing that can destroy our peace of mind and our mental strength. And anger eats our inner immunity so If we try to win by anger, if we try to overcome others, that is a wrong view. With anger, you can never win in life. If you respond to anger, everything is lost. If you follow anger, everything is lost. Even your sleep, your dreams, the smile on your face, everything is lost. Eventually, you will age very quickly.”

These words from Geshe Tashi, shared during a serene sunset at Kopan Monastery, serve as a stark reminder of the futility of anger. As leaders, we must recognize the corrosive impact that anger has not only on our teams, but on our very essence. It takes away the joy of our work, the harmony of our teams, and the health of our bodies.

In conclusion, anger at work is a natural emotion, but it is how we handle it that defines our path. As leaders, we must navigate these waters carefully, guiding our teams not away from anger but through it with a steady hand and open heart. And as for society's anger, it is a call to action, a reminder that our work extends beyond profits and productivity, and touches the lives of people and the fabric of communities. It is our responsibility to respond with humility and a willingness to grow.

In the end, it's not anger that wins: it's wisdom, empathy, the relentless pursuit of growth and understanding. This is the leadership that can transform workplaces and societies alike. And this is the leadership I strive to embody and share with the world.