How to be an authentic leader without attachment patterns holding you back

As we saw in the previous post, for Buddhism there are three self-destructive fires in human beings that intensify any conflict both in our daily life and in the work environment. One of them: attachment.

Although sometimes we try to separate our personal and family history from our professional history, the truth is that we arrive at the business world with all our history and all the experiences that have been part of it and that have contributed to the development of our personality and converge into the person we are today.  It is not in vain that within the pages of my soon-to-be-published book I will share with you my path starting with my childhood and life story from my earliest years.

If there is a key stage that influences our development as people, and also as leaders, it is our childhood. Our primary attachment style develops from our early childhood experiences. Attachment styles are behavioral patterns in relationships that develop in our childhood from the interaction we have with our parents or primary caregivers. During this stage, the foundation of the operating system from which we will function in our lives is laid: the felt experience of how valuable and important we are, how safe and trustworthy the world and people are.

Types of Attachment According to John Bowlby's Theory

John Bowlby, a British psychologist, developed attachment theory to explain how early relationships with caregivers in childhood influence our emotional and social development throughout our lives. According to this theory, attachment patterns fall into four main categories:

Secure attachment style: Securely attached people tend to have had caregivers who were sensitive and attentive to their needs, so they experienced in their childhood that they were important and valuable to them and that their needs were met in a predictable and safe way.

Securely attached leaders tend to have high self-esteem and confidence in their abilities. They form healthy and stable relationships with their team, fostering an environment of trust and collaboration. These leaders delegate tasks easily, trusting their team's abilities, maintain open and effective communication, and are accessible and willing to offer support when necessary.

Ambivalent anxious attachment style: People with an anxious-ambivalent or anxious-preoccupied style often have had experiences with their primary caregivers of connecting and disconnecting, so they experience high preoccupation with relationships with fears and insecurities of being abandoned.

Leaders with anxious attachment may feel insecure and worry about their team's performance. They tend to be perfectionists, they have difficulty trusting others and, therefore, delegating. They can improve by trusting more in their team's abilities and setting clear, realistic boundaries.

Avoidant attachment style: these individuals usually have a positive view of themselves but distrust others. They avoid intimacy and dependence and tend to be very independent. They usually have had experiences in childhood with primary caregivers who were distant or emotionally unavailable to the child, with which the child learns not to rely on others to satisfy his or her own needs: "I can do it alone."

Leaders with avoidant attachment tend to be very independent and may have difficulty forming close bonds with their team.

Disorganized attachment style: this attachment style is the result of traumatic or contradictory early experiences on the part of primary caregivers. Their caregivers, who should provide them with security, are at the same time a source of stress and fear, which is why as adults they show a mix of behaviors in relationships that include anxious and avoidant tendencies as well as a certain difficulty in managing their emotions and maintaining stable relationships.

Leaders with this type of attachment may display contradictory behaviors and have difficulty establishing consistency in their leadership.

Knowing and understanding your own attachment style and that of others can be a valuable tool to improve leadership effectiveness and build healthier and more productive work relationships.

It must be taken into account that each individual is unique. The influence of attachment style on a person's behavior and leadership may vary depending on other personal and environmental factors. In an organization where there is tolerance for error as part of the learning process, an ambivalent anxious attachment will be much safer and more comfortable than in another where error is not allowed.

Although early attachment styles can leave a lasting impression that affects future relationships and behaviors, people can experience what is known as "security gain," or changes in their attachment styles over time due to experiences and relationships. meaningful, personal work, coaching and therapy. Don't let your attachment patterns stop you; turn them into your greatest strength, transform your leadership and improve your team dynamics.